if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
