i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
