Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize