hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ttyl tear gas
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
