seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
