I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
