i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Randomize
