I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize