I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
