um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize