how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
