he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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