the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
