I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize