It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
