I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this boner is exhausting
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
