i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
