"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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