her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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