??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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