sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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