i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
