There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
