We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
