I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
