ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize