he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
