just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
