There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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