We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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