I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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