Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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