I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
