Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
