I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
