I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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