No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
