her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
