Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
