Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
3 2 1 whiskey
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
