i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize