i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
