i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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