Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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