I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
