I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
