obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
