If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
