So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize