She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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