I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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