i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
