I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
