my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
