She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How does one acquire holy water?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
