Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
