I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
