my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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