I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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