i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
