I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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