I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
