i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
