He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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