At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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