I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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