I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
