U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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