Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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