i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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