Please, let me fuck your mom
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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