i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
