I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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