Dude my mom stole all your condoms
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
