I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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