I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The air was thick with penises
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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