you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize