Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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