How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
