oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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