Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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