you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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