He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
