He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
