I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize