Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
