Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
