i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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