Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
