so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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