Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
