so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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