he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
